The Ones My Heart Aches For

There are several people that I know, friends and family, who I just want to give their entire heart to Jesus. They are good people and I'm fairly certain they believe. But God is not woven into the entire fabric of their lives. I want them to know the joy and peace and hope that He gives us as we build a relationship with Him, as we get to know Him better and better. I have learned, thought, that I can't change hearts. I can't force them to read books by Christian authors who have touched me, I can't make them set aside time to get into God's Word and pray and I can't make them develop a relationship with other Christians. There is only ONE who can change a heart and that his Christ, himself. Does that get me off the hook then?

Ummmmmm, no. Every week after our church service, Jay says "Let all who see you, see Jesus Christ." That is my role. I am to be the light of Jesus to people who don't know Him. That's hard to do a lot of times. "But the fruit of the Spirt is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness and self-control. (Galations 5:22). That is what I want show to all people, even people who are very different from me, people that, well if the truth be known, I don't really like. Jesus was a very appealing person when he was on earth -- people were drawn to Him. Beth Moore says "No one is more pleasurable to be around than a person who has had her cup filled by the Lord Jesus."

I will continue to fill my cup with His Word, with His goodness, let Him shine through me, and I will bring these people who I love so very much to the throne of God in prayer knowing that God can change a heart much better than I can.

Catching Up

Wow, it's been a while since I've been here. I will admit things have been busy. We have been crazy busy at work -- I was hoping for some extra hours and we sure got them. Lots of sick people.

I had a great Thanksgiving. Cody and Elizabeth are in Philadelphia so they were missed. It reminded me of last Thanksgiving when they were in Philadelphia and the rest of us made the trip out there to see them. Such a good time with such good memories. But this year was a little quieter. We spent the day with Mark's mom and dad and his 100-year-old grandpa. He is an amazing man, still living alone and driving when he needs to go somewhere. I have a lot of respsect and admiration for Mark's mom. As long as grandpa continues to be with us, she won't go out of town for a holiday because she wants to provide a meal and place for him to spend the holiday. That is love in action and I can take some lessons from that.

Then I did something I have never done before. I went to Jordan Creek Mall at 12:01 a.m. Friday with Monica and Callie. That might be a one and done. It was packed, 35,000 I read in the paper the next day. Now this mall is an average sized mall, bigger than the mall in Sheboygan, but nowhere near the Mall of America. The hallways outside the stores were packed, some stores you could not even get into. We walked around the mall, bought nothing and then went home where I slept a couple hours then got up to be at Target by 6. I am nuts. I wasn't even really shopping for anything specific, just wanted the experience. The Target crowd was a very civilized crowd and Target had employees making sure it stayed that way. I understand the crowd at Toys R Us was not so civilized.

Crazy.

Dena does this early Friday after Thanksgiving morning shopping every year. I believe last year, she even slept in her car for a while. It was an experience that at this point I don't see myself doing again. But who knows maybe next year, I'll totally forget how wild it was and go do it again. Never say never.

Yes, You, Too, Can Help Save The World

We live in the midst of an amazing creation. I am in awe of when I think of all the beauty that surrounds us. I love the deer family that comes into my yard almost every morning and every evening. My greatest earthl desire right now is to go to Alaska. I would love to hunt for some of the most amazing wildlife, but hunt with my eyes, no gun thank you very much. I was completely enthralled with the whales at Sea World. I have never seen such beauty, grace and power all wrapped up in one creature.

But we are destroying this world. I have been convicted to do as much as possible to treat this environment with care and gentleness. I'm quite certain I will never chain myself to a tree or lay down in front of a bulldozer, but there are lots of little things I can do to make a difference.

As much as I love this computer age, here are some facts: "Americans tossed out a whopping 5.5 billion pounds of electronics - TVs, stereos, cellphones, and computers - in 2005, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. Only about 12.5 percent of this waste was recovered for recycling. The results? Millions of pounds of chemicals and heavy metals ended up in the ground even though it's easier than ever to recycle electronies." (From Better Homes and Gardens). Phew, 5.5 BILLION pounds???? And that's only electronies, there is a lot of other stuff being thrown out there too, I won't even start on paper and how we waste trees (case in point - The National Enquirer).

If you are like me, I didn't even know electronics could be recycled, but YES, they can. Here are some web sites to check out http://www.mygreenelectronics.org. For cell phones, go to http://www.greenphone.com. Here's one final fact: If 1 million Better Home and Garden subscribers recycled one cathode-ray tube TV this year, we'd keep 4 million pounds of lead out of the ground.

So go forth and recycle.

The Best Day of the Week

I really love Sunday. I love going to church. I love Sean's song "Make Me a Road that leads to Jesus; make me a bowl filled with living water," I love watching Kevin sing, I love how Jay makes me laugh during his messages. Most of all I love being filled with the Spirit of God and how going to church is the most perfect way to start my week.

I love NFL football. I especially love the Green Bay Packers, but I don't love how I very nearly have to hold my breath for the three hours they play because the games are so tense. It was a relief yesterday that it was their bye week.

I love that I don't have to do much of anything on Sunday. Naps are allowed. I even kind of love that the Sunday paper is all over the living room (as long as it's picked up by Monday). I love that this weekend Cody and Elizabeth were here for almost 24 hours. I love that Elizabeth and I could spend some time at the mall. Sunday is the fastest and the best day of the week. I am glad every day isn't Sunday though. I need the other days to remind me what a great day Sunday is.

Sometimes I Just Don't Understand

A woman I know passed away last night. She left a husband and two daughters – one in college, the other in high school. She was younger than me, never reached her 50th birthday. Cancer is such a random disease. Why does it strike this person, but not this one? Why are some healed and some leave us way too early? I have to admit it confuses me. Did God not hear the prayers to heal this woman , didn’t He understand that her husband and daughters need her yet? Here are some excerpts Dena wrote about recently from Psalm 38 and 40:

"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Do you know how its dimensions were determined and who did the surveying? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? "Who defined the boundaries of the sea as it burst from the womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and thick darkness? For I locked it behind barred gates, limiting its shores. I said, 'Thus far and no farther will you come. Here your proud waves must stop!'

"Have you ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to rise in the east? "Have you explored the springs from which the seas come? Have you walked about and explored their depths? "Have you visited the treasuries of the snow? Have you seen where the hail is made and stored? Where is the path to the origin of light? Where is the home of the east wind?

"Who created a channel for the torrents of rain? Who laid out the path for the lightning? Who makes the rain fall on barren land, in a desert where no one lives? Who sends the rain that satisfies the parched ground and makes the tender grass spring up? "Can you hold back the movements of the stars? Are you able to restrain the Pleiades or Orion? Can you ensure the proper sequence of the seasons or guide the constellation of the Bear with her cubs across the heavens? "Can you shout to the clouds and make it rain? Can you make lightning appear and cause it to strike as you direct it? Who gives intuition and instinct? Who is wise enough to count all the clouds?

"Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? Have you watched as the wild deer are born? Do you know how many months they carry their young? Are you aware of the time of their delivery? They crouch down to give birth to their young and deliver their offspring. Their young grow up in the open fields, then leave their parents and never return.

"The ostrich flaps her wings grandly, but they are no match for the feathers of the stork. She lays her eggs on top of the earth, letting them be warmed in the dust.
"Have you given the horse its strength or clothed its neck with a flowing mane? Did you give it the ability to leap forward like a locust? Its majestic snorting is something to hear! It paws the earth and rejoices in its strength. "Are you the one who makes the hawk soar and spread its wings to the south? Is it at your command that the eagle rises to the heights to make its nest?

No, I don’t always understand, lots of times I just don’t get it, but my faith says God’s ways are higher than mine and I have to believe He is in control even when all we have are questions.

Exercise For The Right Reasons

I have two major events coming up in 2008. My eldest child is getting married and I have a high school class reunion. When women foresee a major event, what is one of the first things we think of? Yep, I need to lose weight and get into shape.

I’ve always enjoyed strapping on my ipod and going for a walk, but then my friend, Denise, called last winter and mentioned walking together. So we have been doing that, maybe once or twice a week, which according to the experts isn’t enough. The problem is, once I started walking with Denise and building our relationship, I no longer enjoy walking with just my ipod. I have my favorite songs on it, but it’s just not as much fun. I thought about joining “Anytime Fitness.” It’s just a couple miles down the road so I can easily hop in my car and drive there so I can exercise, although I am amused by the irony of driving somewhere to exercise. Anytime Fitness is rather appealing to me, not for the exercise, but I could have 30-40 minutes for guilt-free reading.

I will freely admit I do not have a 20-, 30- or even 40-year-old body, but a lot of that has to do the fact that I am not a 20-, 30- or even 40-year-old person anymore. In Women of the Word, we are working through Beth Moore’s study on “Daniel.” Babylon is an enticing place and our culture is no less a Babylon than it was in Daniel’s day. Why do I think I should lose weight? It’s not really for health reasons. I have absolutely wonderful health, I don’t bother with a flu shot, I rarely get colds. And I try very hard not to take that for granted and thank the One who gives me that. No my Babylon says I should look a certain way and I buy into that, plus don’t I want people to tell me how simply maaaahvelous I look? Those would be the true reasons for feeling the need to exercise. I keep forgetting it’s not all about me. In John Ortberg’s book “At the End of the Game It All Goes Back In The Box,” he says experts tell us that if we exercise, it will add two years to our life. But those two years are spent exercising. Could we do something else with those two years?

I’m not against exercising. I just want to do it for the right reasons. I do want to stay in good health, I want to have those couple hours with Denise each week and if we can build that relationship by walking together, that’s great. I like to be reminded though that it’s about the relationship and not the exercise. And I think I will look into joining Anytime Fitness because I really want that 30 minutes of reading time.

Books, Books, Books

I have always enjoyed reading. When I was younger, I read Tom Sawyer, all the "Little House" books and in 5th grade Mrs. Hager read "Caddie Woodlawn." In high school and college, torrid love stories were more my books of choice, but the one I remember most from those days was a book called "Mrs. Mike." I recently found that book at Barnes and Noble, read it again and enjoyed it just as much as I had the first time around. Carissa's favorite books are "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "A Tale of Two Cities." Ummmmmm that's not me so much, right now I tend to gravitate more to the Christian Chick Lit genre.

Recently, I have sort of rediscovered my love of reading. I never completely left it, but I had come the point where I couldn't even check out a book from the library because I couldn't finish it in the three weeks they allowed me. And because I never remembered to renew it, I was contributing to their purchase of new books with overdue fines. I love Wellspring our Christian bookstore. Dena and I started an on-line book club that we are still perfecting. But it's been fun to read a book and then see the comments from the women who are part of our club. I found another book club on line that I want to check out. When I get it all figured out, I'll put links to it on here and I also want to list books that I've read that maybe others would enjoy too.

As Dena says, "So many books, so little time." So true, so true.

Life is Just a Game

Last week I was in Wisconsin and a lot of the news in the sports world was about Brett Favre breaking the NFL record for touchdown passes. I have liked the Green Bay Packers as long as I can remember knowing about football. During the "glory" years of the Packers in the 60's, I can remember sitting in our den with my dad watching football on our black and white TV. In the 70's and 80's, the Packers struggled. Then Brett Favre joined the team and the Packers were once again a successful team. I think I would be a Brett Favre fan even if he played for another team, but I"m glad he's on my team. I love to watch him play. He plays with joy, passion and a pure love for the game.

I'm in a game too, a game called life. God gave me X amount of days to live and He gave me the choice on how to live them. I'm reading John Ortberg's book "When The Game Is Over, It All Goes Back In The Box." He talks about how we should play this game called Life.

"You are not a pawn, a victim of circumstance beyond your control. Instead, you are responsible for your own life. No one else can take your turn. There are no designated hitters. You are not allowed to say "pass."

You have a "turn" every time you have an opportunity to choose. But most of us see only a tiny fraction of the choices we have. One of the best exercises for playing the game wisely is to be conscious of making decisions. The more you become aware of how many choices are up to you, the more eagerly you embrace your turn. You can practice this today. What will you feed your mind? What thoughts will you dwell on? Whom will you have conversations with? What will you eat? How will you spend your time? All of these are calls you will make and when you add them up, they create your life. No one else can take your turn."

It really is our choice, we can choose to live unhappy lives, being concerned only for ourselves or we can choose a life of joy, of giving, of playing this game with passion.

Technology, Oh Technology

Thirty years doesn't seem all that long ago, but in the computer world, it's forever. I arrived at Northwestern College in the fall of 1973 with one phone for the entire hall. To stay in touch with my family in Wisconsin, I would call (collect of course) and tie up the one phone for a while or my other option was to write a letter. Now each one of my children has their own phone, which is annoying sometimes, because all their calls come on that phone and you don't know who is calling them and it's harder to be overly involved in their lives that way.

A few weeks ago, I was definitely having a love-hate relationship with technology. I was trying to set up this blog site and nothing worked right. I would put something in and thought it should look a certain way, but it did not look like that at all. I would try and retry and retry again and it was always wrong. And let me just say the "help" sites are more helpLESS than helpFUL. I was looking at the entire venture as a way to ward off dementia or Alzheimer's because I definitely was using my brain cells. But then things started to make sense and every time something showed up the way I wanted to, I felt like I rejoicing in my victories.

At this point, I have to say I'm pretty excited about technology. I have found blog sites for other women who love God and love their families and it fills my heart with joy to see people using computers and the world wide web to proclaim this. I can listen to the same message Carissa heard in church even though I live in Iowa and she lives in Chicago. I love Facebook, I can find out what is going on in friends' lives and make a comment on a picture they have posted or send a message. I enjoy having entire conversations with Carissa by text messaging, even though I'm still slow.

Computers and all that go with them are a tool, they can be used for evil and they can be used for good. Once something is on the internet, it's open to anyone. My prayer is that if someone is googling for something evil, something good will show up instead.

Current Reads

I am currently reading "Lipstick Grace" by Nancy Kennedy. She is a columnist for a newspaper in Florida and this book is a collection of some of her columns. In a lot of cases, she thinks exactly the same way I do. This book has been helpful when I was down and read exactly what I needed to give me a better understanding. I definitely recommend this book and am going to look for more books by her.

Our on-line book club just finished reading "The Good Nearby by Nancy Moser. Many thought it was unrealistic, which it was, and with all the problems, it was somewhat disheartening, but overall I enjoyed it immensely. Comments are still coming in so we'll see what others have to say. I am really excited about this book club. We have women here in the Des Moines area and also women in other parts of the country. I just love how God keeps allowing me to develop more relationships with women who are following Him.

I Love Tuesday Mornings

Yesterday my Bible Study, Women of the Word, started up again. I am so happy to be spending my Tuesday mornings with these precious ladies as we learn so much. We will be listening to Beth Moore's DVD on Daniel and I know it will be convicting, I will learn more and I will just want my Christian walk to be that much stronger. I love the opportunities God gives me to learn more about Him.

Just The Right Words At Just The Right Time

Whenever I visit Minneapolis, I make sure I visit Northwestern Christian Bookstore. Last July when Brenda and I visited Minneapolis, we were at Northwestern Bookstore and I found a book by Nancy Kennedy called “Lipstick Grace.” It was described as being “Glimpses of Life, Love and the Quest for the Perfect Lip Gloss.” How could I resist that so I decided to buy it. Each chapter is approximately 2 pages long and it’s the perfect thing to read before turning out the lights at night.

Last Friday, I was still feeling joyful and smiling about having the TIU volleyball team stay with us and excited to go down to Lamoni to watch their tournament. The time at my house was fun, the tournament was not. They did not play well and I could see the frustration on their faces. I looked at Carissa and I could see sadness, disappointment and discouragement. I know the desire of Carissa’s heart and when I see sadness, disappointment and discouragement on her face, I feel sadness, disappointment and discouragement deep inside me.

Driving the hour back home gave me a lot of time to think and it just stirred things up that more inside of me. Carissa’s coach wanted them on the bus immediately after the last match so I didn’t get the chance to talk with her and try to give her some encouragement, I just had to leave knowing how badly she was hurting.

That night, as I got into bed, I picked up my little Lipstick Grace book and this was the chapter I was on “Sometimes Little Girls Cry.” Nancy Kennedy writes “I know what it is be a mother and to feel impotent when your child is sad. You think that if only you can say enough cheerful words (How many is enough?), if you can send the right things in a care package, if you can somehow direct their relationships through mental telepathy and pray hard enough, then your children will be happy. Then they won’t be sad. Ever. But no matter how intense your desire and how tireless your effort, you cannot halt or take away your child’s sadness – and that makes you sad, because that’s your baby! That’s your flesh, and when your flesh cries, you cry, too.” She goes on to say “I couldn’t make her sadness go away. I couldn’t. I. Could. Not.” Finally, “I told my daughter, the one who’s sad, that I wished I could make her unsad, but I can’t. She said, “No, you can’t, but I appreciate that you want to. Maybe that’s the only thing, the best thing, I can do for my children. To acknowledge their pain, yet respect and love them enough not to rush in to fix things for them. Taking away their pain – if I could – would be taking away their opportunity to see God step in and do whatever it is that He does that would inspire their faith and make His name known.”

Good advice, but the thing that took my breath away was that I read this at the exact time I needed to see it. I didn’t read this chapter last week and remember it to go back to, I didn’t read it last night, God put those words in front of me just when I needed them most. In his book “The Life You’ve Always Wanted,” John Ortberg says “Hearing God speak to us is no indication that we are unusually spiritual or mature or important. God is able to communicate with whomever He chooses.” It has happened to me so often, that I am struggling with something and I hear someone say just the right words or, in this case, I picked up a book and that was the encouragement I needed.

But if from there, you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

I see Him when I seek him, when I open myself up to people who speak His work, when I read what He has revealed to writers.

My Week In Review

I had a pretty nice week last week. Monday was the Labor Day holiday so a chance to relax a little bit, do some catching up. The highlight though was Thursday night when the TIU volleyball team stayed at overnight at our house on their way to their tournament in Lamoni. These are some pretty cool girls. They have had their struggles on the volleyball court, but like Dena says, there is no eternal significance in volleyball. These girls, however, are in a game that has eternal significance and I enjoy watching them and getting to know them a little bit better.

Thanksgiving:
1. Christian colleges that proclaim Jesus is Lord.
2. Young women who are living out their faith.
3. Safe travel during a huge thunderstorm for the TIU volleyball team.

Not Good Enough

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). I have to admit I usually have more of a spirit of fear and timidity. I’m not a bold person, I don’t like to take risks, I really don’t like to get out of my comfort zone, I don’t like to speak up in a class. But more and more I see God wanting me to step out in boldness for Him, to get out of that comfort zone and I’m learning the more inadequate I feel about something, the stronger I feel I am just “not good enough” that’s where He is calling me to go. Grrrr, that’s tough, but I’m not unique in that at all. In my Bible study “Believing God” last fall, Beth Moore said “One of the things I love most about God is His unexplainable choice of servants.”

I recently learned that the disciples were teenage boys when Jesus called them to follow him. Not only were they teenage boys, but they were pretty much the “not good enoughs” of their society. The bright boys studied the Word of God and the ladder of society went on down from there until you reached fishermen and shepherds. Jesus didn’t look in the Hebrew schools for the bright boys and ask them to follow Him – he asked the ones no one was really interested in. Mary, whom God chose to bear his son, was a young girl of probably 13 or 14. What was so special about her? Nothing that we may see, but she “found favor with God” (Luke 1:30). And what about her cousin, Elizabeth, who God chose to bear a son who would “make ready a people prepared for the Lord” (Luke 1:17). Zechariah and Elizabeth “had no children because Elizabeth was barren and they were both well along in years” (Luke 1:7). God never seems to choose people that we would see as the best choice.

There are many times when God calls us to do something for him and we just don’t feel good enough. We don’t know Scripture well enough, we can’t speak well, etc. etc. When Dena asked me to be the 9th grade girls discipleship leader last summer, my first reaction was to wring my hands and say “Ohhhhh, I don’t knoooooow.” I was ready with about a thousand excuses why I couldn’t do that, but on my way home in my car, I asked God, should I do this? And there was no doubt in my mind that this was a place where He wanted me to serve Him. Do I feel adequate or equipped to meet with them, to listen to them, to guide them through their life circumstances? Not really, but I have a full understanding I can’t do this all by myself and I see God blessing our little group as we come together each week. He’s given me an ache in my heart to want so much for these 5 girls and if I can convey that to them in just a small way, if I can see them seek God’s plan for their lives, to build relationships with each other and become more dependent on Him, that shows me how He can take a bumbling bumbler like me make Him a little more clear to others. As He puts things in front of us that are outside our comfort zone and we grab hold of those opportunities, He shows us how to depend on Him and let Him work through us. If we are comfortable with what we are doing, then we begin to think we can do things on our own. And we couldn’t be more wrong when we live that way. Depend on Him, believe in Him and make yourself available to Him and watch yourself do things you had no idea you could do.

Thanksgiving:
1. Getting to now Carissa's teammates a little bit better.
2. An amazing thunderstorm last night.
3. That God has more faith in me than I have in myself.

Don't Wait To Get Sick

Clutching my stack of patient mail, I double checked the room number with the number on the envelope, knocked and entered the room. She was sitting upright in her hospital bed with a blanket drawn up across her chest and her arms laying outside the blanket with the IVs infusing the chemotherapy agents needed to fight the cancer trying to take over her body. I told her someone had sent her a card and would she like me to read it to her. I read the card and told her who it was from. Barely acknlowledging the card she tiold me she was so cold and could I bring the blanket over her arms. Very carefully so as not to dislodge any of the IV sites, I tucked her arms under the blanket and arranged it around her shoulders. Then she asked me if I could give her a drink. I held the cup with the bendable hospital straw to her lips and watched her as she drank.
Dependence, vulnerability and helplness are what draw me to sick people. Illness is one of the great equalizers in life. There are no penthouse hospital suites and everyone wears the same extremely unattractive clothing. No one gets to eat the finer food off of the menu. People who are ill must allow other people to serve them, sometimes for the most basic needs such as getting a drink of water or covering up their arms with a blanket, even to the point of needing help just to breathe. Ill people rarely wear the masks so many of us try to hang on to so tightly in our day to day lives. I wish we could all live lives where we show our vulnerability, dependence on God and each other and get rid of the walls we build up around our heart and the masks we put over our faces. In her book "Feathers from My Nest," Beth Moore writes as an acknowledgment to her family "Thank you for sharing my conviction that transparency and vulnerability are worth the help and encouragement they lend to others." I really want to show that vulnerability and transparency as a healthy person - Healthy in body, mind and spirit. .

9/6/07 -- I originally wrote this in the summer of 2006. This lady was discharged home, but came back shortly after her discharge and eventually she could no longer fight her disease and passed away. I saw her only briefly that one day, but I won't forget her. She touched a spot in my heart that showed me what vulnerability looks like and I am thankful that God showed me this. Through her, I saw the hopelessness of my sin and my helplessness to save myself. Vulnerability, transparency, openness, and honesty are what we need to show each other and then we can grow together.

Thanksgiving:
1. The TIU volleyball team staying here tonight.
2. My friendship with Brenda.
3. Praying with Dena the other night.

Hearing Without Words

Grace, my lifelong friend Brenda’s grandmother, passed into her life with Jesus a couple weeks ago. Growing up, we were both so blessed to have all four of our grandmothers. We gave them nicknames to describe them. Brenda had Lttle Gandma because she was a teeny tiny Dutch woman and her grandmother who just passed away was Modern Grandma because she was always impeccably dressed and had such a fashion sense. My Gandma Van Wyk was Holland Grandma because she was an immigrant from Holland (although I believe Little Grandma was too) and my Grandma Brasser was Frozen Grandma because whenever we went there she would bring bars and cookies out of the freezer. I would love to sit at their feet today and talk about times past, what the world was like as they grew up, how their faith helped them through the years, how they saw the hand of God in their lives. I tended to take them for granted. They were there when I was born, they were just a part of my life growing up and as a child, I don’t think I ever imagined that someday they would no longer be here. My nephew Garrett has a different view I think. He insists on going golfing with my dad on a pretty routine basis. It means the world to my dad and I think it is so cool that a 19-year-old has the heart and sensitivity to be that intentional about spending time with his grandpa. Dena talks about “reading people’s hearts.” I want to “hear” what people don’t say, I want to have a clear picture of what they need without words, I want to just get it and understand that life is not length, but breadth.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t depend on your own understanding. Remember the Lord in all you do and He will give you success. Proverbs 3:5-6

Labor Day Memories

Yesterday was Labor Day and I was thinking about how we celebrated holidays when I was growing up. On Memorial Day, my mom, brothers and I went to the parade in Hingham with Grandma and Grandpa Brasser while my dad got up really early to go fishing. It was a day off work for him and he got up early to go fishing? I don’t get that. Then all my aunts, uncles and cousins gathered together at my Grandma and Grandpa Van Wyk’s house. The 4th of July we had a picnic at one of the little lakes in the area with my Aunt Edie and Uncle Bill and all their kids.

On Labor Day we always got together with the Bimmel family. Every other year, the Bimmel’s would come to our house for lunch or we would go to theirs and then we would all head for the Sheboygan County Fair that was, and still is, held on Labor Day weekend. The fair was a blast. I had 4-H things that I had made to exhibit and get judged. I got some blue ribbons I think. But the fair to me was going on rides, looking at the animals, and especially the horses, watching Brenda show her horse and just running around. After our lunch with the Bimmel’s, Gary, who was my age, and I would get to the fair and we had such fun. It was just a fun place to me and I looked forward to it every year. The Iowa State Fair is a big deal here, but I don’t enjoy going to it. I think the Sheboygan County Fair was more about who was there than what was there.

Of course a lot of time has passed. Helen Bimmel passed away a few years ago, but my mom and dad and Howard Bimmel and a friend of his still get together on Labor Day. They don’t go to the fair now, that was something Helen was a part of, but they find something to do together. I still see Gary when I visit Sheboygan Falls. He’s a grandfather now. I went back to the fair a few years ago and it wasn’t the same. It could have been a fair anywhere. The people that we ran around with, who we met at the fair, that’s what made it fun. Labor Day weekend will always fill me with memories and give me a smile.

Oops

I forgot to to include my thanksgiving on the last post.

1. Traveling with Cody and Elizabeth.
2. Spending time with Carissa.
3. A phone call with Carson.
4. Carson's Barbecue in Chicago.
5. Getting to know Samantha Jo a little bit better.
6. Knowing that Karen Hall is in Carissa's life.

Weekend in Chicago

This past weekend we were in Chicago, mainly to watch Carissa and the TIU volleyball team, but the Iowa Hawkeyes had their game at Soldier Field, which added to our weekend. Carson was there, but we did not see him, which was disappointing, but he was with other people and it just didn't work out. Cody and Elizabeth rode with us to Chicago and had the chance to watch Carissa's volleyball match Friday night and then she joined us for dinner after that. On Saturday, we dropped Cody and Elizabeth off at the train station and they went to the football game while Mark and I stayed to watch Carissa. There were people with Iowa t-shirts on in our hotel and on Saturday night we met up with the Aunan family and had some good visits while waiting for our table for dinner. We ate at a resturant called Carson's, with a name like that it had to be good and it was. On the way home, there were as many cars with Iowa plates as ILlinois. We stopped at the DeKalb oasis and it was packed. It's usually a fairly busy place because it's about the only place that's right on the interstate between Chicago and Iowa. The gas line was on the on-ramp and it's a good thing that ramp is a nice long curvy one. The lines to all the food places were long, with McDonalds having the biggest backup. Looked like everyone had had a good weekend, Iowa won. Trinity didn't fare quite as well, but for me, I try not to let it be about the games themselves. It's about seeing Carissa, spending time with Cody and Elizabeth and have an opportunity to have a weekend out of town. Sounds like Monica and Callie had some fun shopping, would have been nice to fit that in too, oh well, maybe next time.

Expectations

For the most part, I enjoy having grown-up kids. I like talking with them, I like listening to Cody and how he thinks. I like that a lot of times we think alike, but he’s so much smarter than me, that he thinks at a way different level. I do miss having them around all the time, I don’t like it that their beds are empty. I miss seeing them in their fuzzy feet jammies. When they were little and would get hurt, I could at least try to make things better. Heal a wound with a Band-Aid, hold them on my lap until they were ready to take on the world again.

Last week, Cody and Elizabeth took their board tests. They studied so hard, all day, every day for 2 weeks before the exam, they worked hard in their rotations often spending long hours at the hospital or clinic. They were able to do real doctor stuff on real patients and they were so excited and happy and gaining confidence all the time. Then came this board test. The test took all day and they came home with shoulders slumped and dejected faces.

This weekend we watched Carissa’s volleyball team. They, too, work hard in practice, eat only the right foods, work out and then they don’t do as well as they had hoped. Carissa struggled with her serve and knowing how badly she wants to do well, it just makes my heart ache.

I get into “mother mode” when I see these things and I’m helpless to do anything. I certainly can’t take this test for Cody and Elizabeth, that would be a disaster. I can’t go out on the volleyball court and serve for Carissa, I wouldn’t even get the ball to the net, much less over it.

Yesterday at church, the pastor talked about expectations and that sometimes what we expect, doesn’t happen. In Philippians 1:12-23, Paul is in prison, probably not where he expected to be, but yet he continues to praise and glorify Christ. Cody and Elizabeth not only want to pass their board test, they want to do well. What happens if they don’t? Can we show Christ in the midst of that disappointment? What if Carissa never gets in another volleyball game? Can we all continue to reflect Christ in the midst of her disappointment? Yeah, we can. I’m learning that I have to depend on Him, that I can no longer give my kids a kiss and make it all better, that God wants them to depend on Him and seek Him and “lean not on their own understanding.” Disappointments, unmet expectations – all things God uses to bring us closer to Him.

Our Household As It Is Now

A few weeks ago, I visited San Diego while Cody and Elizabeth were there doing a rotation and I went to the beach and saw the ocean (for the very first time btw). The ocean reminded me of our family right now. Constant, it's always there, but changing. The tide comes in, the tide goes out. Kids come, kids leave. During most of the summer, Carson and Carissa were here although there was coming and going with them too. There was a time when Cody, Elizabeth, Carson and Carissa were here, but then Cody and Elizabeth left for San Diego. Carissa was here, then gone for a week or two. Cody and Elizabeth came back and Carson took a vacation and then left for school. Right now Cody and Elizabeth are here for another three weeks then it's off to San Diego again and then we will have an "empty nest." For a while. I like it this way. I like that sometimes the house is full and we do wonder where everyone will go and sometimes it's just Mark and me. We are blessed.

My attitude of gratitude:
1. Mark's birthday. He's a good husband and father.
2. A phone call from my mom last night.
3. Iced carmel lattes.

Prayer Requests:
1. Cody and Elizabeth did well on their board test this past Monday.
2. Mark have a school year where kids aren't all that interested in breaking the rules.
3. Carson and Carissa study effectively and enjoy learning.