Not Good Enough

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). I have to admit I usually have more of a spirit of fear and timidity. I’m not a bold person, I don’t like to take risks, I really don’t like to get out of my comfort zone, I don’t like to speak up in a class. But more and more I see God wanting me to step out in boldness for Him, to get out of that comfort zone and I’m learning the more inadequate I feel about something, the stronger I feel I am just “not good enough” that’s where He is calling me to go. Grrrr, that’s tough, but I’m not unique in that at all. In my Bible study “Believing God” last fall, Beth Moore said “One of the things I love most about God is His unexplainable choice of servants.”

I recently learned that the disciples were teenage boys when Jesus called them to follow him. Not only were they teenage boys, but they were pretty much the “not good enoughs” of their society. The bright boys studied the Word of God and the ladder of society went on down from there until you reached fishermen and shepherds. Jesus didn’t look in the Hebrew schools for the bright boys and ask them to follow Him – he asked the ones no one was really interested in. Mary, whom God chose to bear his son, was a young girl of probably 13 or 14. What was so special about her? Nothing that we may see, but she “found favor with God” (Luke 1:30). And what about her cousin, Elizabeth, who God chose to bear a son who would “make ready a people prepared for the Lord” (Luke 1:17). Zechariah and Elizabeth “had no children because Elizabeth was barren and they were both well along in years” (Luke 1:7). God never seems to choose people that we would see as the best choice.

There are many times when God calls us to do something for him and we just don’t feel good enough. We don’t know Scripture well enough, we can’t speak well, etc. etc. When Dena asked me to be the 9th grade girls discipleship leader last summer, my first reaction was to wring my hands and say “Ohhhhh, I don’t knoooooow.” I was ready with about a thousand excuses why I couldn’t do that, but on my way home in my car, I asked God, should I do this? And there was no doubt in my mind that this was a place where He wanted me to serve Him. Do I feel adequate or equipped to meet with them, to listen to them, to guide them through their life circumstances? Not really, but I have a full understanding I can’t do this all by myself and I see God blessing our little group as we come together each week. He’s given me an ache in my heart to want so much for these 5 girls and if I can convey that to them in just a small way, if I can see them seek God’s plan for their lives, to build relationships with each other and become more dependent on Him, that shows me how He can take a bumbling bumbler like me make Him a little more clear to others. As He puts things in front of us that are outside our comfort zone and we grab hold of those opportunities, He shows us how to depend on Him and let Him work through us. If we are comfortable with what we are doing, then we begin to think we can do things on our own. And we couldn’t be more wrong when we live that way. Depend on Him, believe in Him and make yourself available to Him and watch yourself do things you had no idea you could do.

Thanksgiving:
1. Getting to now Carissa's teammates a little bit better.
2. An amazing thunderstorm last night.
3. That God has more faith in me than I have in myself.