An Aching Heart

This past March, my cousin Dan and his wife, Jane, lost their 24-year-old son, Thomas. I can't comprehend losing a child, I just can't wrap my head around the pain and hurt of that. I had such a feeling of loss when my dad passed away, but that is still the natural order of things. Losing a child is not. I struggle to understand how the God who loves us, also allows such pain. Now as Jane and Dan go on, they enter the season of "firsts."

In June, Dan and Jane had their first extended family vacation without Thomas, a tradition they have celebrated for many years. I received a text from Dan's sister asking me to pray for Dan and Jane as it was the week for this family vacation. At the time, we were on our way to Ohio and literally at a standstill on I-80 on the south side of Chicago. I had my ipod with me and put on some praise music to prepare my heart to pray for Dan and Jane. As I sat there, offering prayer for Dan and Jane, I looked outside of the window and there on the side of the road were some birds looking for something to eat. They would pick up little white pieces, realize they were only little stones and spit them back out. I don't know if there was any food out there, but they were persistent in looking for it. As I watched them, I was reminded of Matthew 6:26:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

I know God loves Dan and Jane, I know He is holding them close, I know He understands their hurt because He suffered the same thing with his own Son. Dan and Jane are an inspiration, they live out Jeremiah 29:11:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Despite pain and hurt, they continue to praise God and seek Him and God has blessed them with hope and a future with the birth of a granddaughter, Emmaline.

Recently, I heard this song on the radio and the words touched me as I pray for Dan and Jane and how they continue to show what it means to live a life of faith.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

--Laura Story--