Expectations

For the most part, I enjoy having grown-up kids. I like talking with them, I like listening to Cody and how he thinks. I like that a lot of times we think alike, but he’s so much smarter than me, that he thinks at a way different level. I do miss having them around all the time, I don’t like it that their beds are empty. I miss seeing them in their fuzzy feet jammies. When they were little and would get hurt, I could at least try to make things better. Heal a wound with a Band-Aid, hold them on my lap until they were ready to take on the world again.

Last week, Cody and Elizabeth took their board tests. They studied so hard, all day, every day for 2 weeks before the exam, they worked hard in their rotations often spending long hours at the hospital or clinic. They were able to do real doctor stuff on real patients and they were so excited and happy and gaining confidence all the time. Then came this board test. The test took all day and they came home with shoulders slumped and dejected faces.

This weekend we watched Carissa’s volleyball team. They, too, work hard in practice, eat only the right foods, work out and then they don’t do as well as they had hoped. Carissa struggled with her serve and knowing how badly she wants to do well, it just makes my heart ache.

I get into “mother mode” when I see these things and I’m helpless to do anything. I certainly can’t take this test for Cody and Elizabeth, that would be a disaster. I can’t go out on the volleyball court and serve for Carissa, I wouldn’t even get the ball to the net, much less over it.

Yesterday at church, the pastor talked about expectations and that sometimes what we expect, doesn’t happen. In Philippians 1:12-23, Paul is in prison, probably not where he expected to be, but yet he continues to praise and glorify Christ. Cody and Elizabeth not only want to pass their board test, they want to do well. What happens if they don’t? Can we show Christ in the midst of that disappointment? What if Carissa never gets in another volleyball game? Can we all continue to reflect Christ in the midst of her disappointment? Yeah, we can. I’m learning that I have to depend on Him, that I can no longer give my kids a kiss and make it all better, that God wants them to depend on Him and seek Him and “lean not on their own understanding.” Disappointments, unmet expectations – all things God uses to bring us closer to Him.